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Episode 009 - The Impact Of Yes and No On Your Happiness

Yes and No - How These Two Words Can Impact Your Life

Welcome to Episode 009 of the Motivating Mom podcast. I’m your host Lisa Druxman and it is my goal to help you live a life you love to live! Today, we are going to be talking about two words. Two words that you say daily. But maybe you don’t realize the impact that they have on your life.

But first, this show is brought to you by our program Body Back. If you aren’t familiar with Body Back, it is our program for moms at any stage of motherhood. It’s a results based program that combines nutrition and fitness to help you achieve a transformation like you never thought possible. This program won’t just change your body. It will change your life. So what are you waiting for? Go to www.fit4mom.com to find a class near you. And if there isn’t one near you, then let’s help you get one started!

Ok, Yes and No.

Looking back, I now realize how important those two words are. And how if your choice of which one to use can have a huge impact on your life.

Let’s take no for example.

If I had it to do again, I would probably say no more to my children and stick to it. When they were little, I probably said no. And then they whined and cried. And I caved. I basically taught them to whine and cry to get their way. I am working much harder on this now. Saying what I mean and meaning what I say. But goodness it’s a lot harder after years of doing it the wrong way.

No is usually amongst your child’s first group of words. After mama of course. Ask them to put on their shoes, or tell them it’s time to leave the park and that dreaded word pops up. No. It’s good that they are growing more independent. But our reaction to this is pretty important. If I had it to do over, I would work on staying calm and not getting in to a power battle. No one wins a power battle. Instead, calmly let them know their choice and then calmly give a consequence if a choice is not made.

How often are you saying no to your child? "A UCLA survey from a few years ago reported that the average one year old child hears the word, No!, more than 400 times a day! So often we teach our kids based on what not to do. Of course we need to be firm and consistent, but hearing no so many times in the day may just crush a spirit. Let’s try to catch ourselves and redirect our communication. "Do you realise that the brain cannot process a negative command? If you say to your child 'be careful, don't spill your milk' as they carry the glass full of milk across the kitchen the child has to actually think of spilling the milk so that it can take

the necessary action not to do it. We tend to get what we focus on and so by the child thinking of spilling milk that is often what tends to happen which normally results in a loud 'But I told you not to spill that milk'. So the moral of the story is ask for what you want, not what you don't want."

Now the word no is not always negative. In fact, now I want to talk about why you should be using it more. A huge reason for this podcast is to get moms out of overwhelm. In order to do that, we need to take some things off your plate. If you are anything like me, you say yes too much. Every time you say yes, you are saying no to something else. The fact is that your day is already full from the time you get up till the time you go to sleep. Very few of you are watching tv and eating bon bons all day. So if you say yes to something, what are you willing not to do? When I took on this podcast, I knew that I needed to stop doing some other projects. I either needed to figure out a way to delegate them or drop them all together. I don’t always want to say no. but often know that I need to. I get emails almost every single day from aspiring entrepreneurs who want to take me to coffee or lunch to pick my brain. I wish I could help every one of them. My heart wants to. But my time won’t allow it. If I said yes to them, I would not have time for my Most Important Things. So, I do podcasts like this or special events where I can hopefully still help them but accomplish what I need to. You don’t have to be a working mom for this to apply to you. If your life feels full already, you may need to say no to being the room mom or baking cookies for the bake sale. Saying no can bring you freedom. I said no to doing dishes by myself and to making my kids lunches. Guess what? It created room in my life. Saying no doesn’t have to just be reactive when someone asks you to do something. If your life feels too full or you don’t have time to get done what’s really important to you, what can you choose to say no to? Maybe you say no to cleaning the house and hire a housekeeper. Maybe you say no to having debt and stop going to get daily lattes. Maybe you need to say no to what you don’t want in your life. Say no to having someone in your life who saps your energy. Say no to what you don’t want. No to stress, overwhelm, toxic people and toxic food. My point is that no is a very powerful word. Don’t confuse it with negativity. It can work for you or against you.

Lets’ talk about yes. It just sounds better. Yes can create magic. We all want to hear yes more. Sometimes you need to say yes, even when you don’t want to. In a past episode I told you about my yoga mentor taking me as a guest to the spa, Rancho La Puerta. When she invited me, my original inclination was to say no. I had just started dating Jason and I kind of wanted to hang at home with him. It would have been easier. But I am so glad that I didn’t go for easy. That trip was amazing! It was a huge opportunity for me. Not only did I get to experience the spa, they started to invite me back as a guest instructor. Saying yes even when I want to say no comes up regularly for me. Truth be told, I’m actually probably an introvert. I have my best energy alone or in small groups. An introvert doesn’t have to be quiet. So, when I am invited to networking meetings, it sounds pretty awful to me. But I say yes. Because when I do, it brings me closer to what I want to achieve.

Say yes when you are afraid of failure. Taking that chance can give you opportunities like you’ve never known. Take advantage of opportunities when they come, even if timing isn’t perfect or you don’t feel ready. I have interviewed hundreds of entrepreneurs about their businesses and every single one said that they didn’t feel ready when they started. Yes can lead you to new places, introduce you to new people and can help you abandon your fears.

It’s a balance. Really. There have been numerous times in the course of my career that I have been in total overwhelm. I have to ask Jason for his patience because I have so much going on and that it will soon pass. He once said, “no it won’t. Because you put yourself in this position. you keep saying yes to everything.” And as much as I hate to admit it, he was right. Just because something sounds like a good opportunity doesn’t mean you should say yes. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. Will saying yes bring you happiness? Will saying yes bring you closer to achieving your MIT’s?

So, yes and no might be the two most powerful words in your vocabulary. They can create new realities. My hope is that you use them wisely. Say no to keep out what you don’t want and to keep focused on what you do want. Say yes to living your life on purpose!

That’s it for today’s segment. Go to my show notes at fit4mom.com for some links to help you with how to say no to your kids and how to say yes in your own life! Now, say yes to listening to our listeners questions.

Links for today's show:

Find a FIT4MOM location

FIT4MOM Franchise Info

No: Why Kids--of All Ages--Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It

http://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/discipline/tips/discipline-without-saying-no/

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/parenting/discipline-behavior/how-to-say-no

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life