A FIT4MOM franchisee recently asked me for a link to an article that I wrote back in 2007 titled "Miscarriage, Please Talk About It". Unfortunately, that was from a past website and it is no longer available online. But it's such an important topic that I thought I should talk about it again.
I created Stroller Strides 13 years ago. And in that time I have had the amazing opportunity to connect with thousands of moms. I have shared many joys with them but also countless stories of heart break about the loss of a baby. It's rarely a story that's told. When it happens, you feel so alone. It's one of the deepest pains you will ever feel no matter the time in the pregnancy. For some reason, we just don't talk about it.
I have lost two babies (that I know of). The first was during an ectopic pregnancy. We were trying for years to get pregnant with our second child and I ended up in the hospital, nearly losing my life, with severe internal hemorrhaging. I was devastated. I felt like my family wasn't complete and that I wasn't going to have an opportunity to get pregnant again. Through IVF, I did get pregnant again and this time it was twins. But at about 9 weeks, we lost the heart rate and I lost one of the babies. The pain. How can you be in so much pain for something that you have not yet shared a life with? It was real. I was blessed to deliver my beautiful daughter later but I did grieve deeply for that loss.
Miscarriage is so very common and yet we really don't talk about it. The lack of communication leads to isolation and guilt. Roughly 15-20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. 40% of moms feel they have done something wrong. 47% report feeling guilty. Without question, we all seem to ask what could have caused it.
The body is truly an amazing thing. You didn't cause anything. Your body knew that for some reason that the pregnancy could not yield a healthy baby. We don't talk about it because it's sad. But we need to. And when you do, you will see that so many moms have stories just like I do. And almost all of those moms go on to have healthy babies again.
If you have experienced a miscarriage, don't set a timeline for yourself about when you should be done grieving. Don't underestimate your pain just because it happened early in a pregnancy. And don't be afraid to talk about it. Your village at FIT4MOM will support you and you will realize how many have shared the same experience. It is healing to tell your story. When you do, it gives permission for someone else to share theirs.